Saturday, January 03, 2009

The day that Squirrels tried to take over Indianapolis and the Hoosier hero that saved the city and possibly the world

I don’t like squirrels. That fact must be understood before reading further. I’ve discussed this before.

So as I’m reading this article in the CJ this morning, Hoosier squirrels going nuts over acorns' absence, by Will Higgins, you can imagine that I was amused and pleased. Squirrels are running short of nuts. “If the squirrels are going to die, they’d better go ahead and do it and decrease the surplus population”, I thought to myself happily.

But then my heart, already full of glee, nearly exploded with glee upon reading this excerpt:

In the fall of 1822, a horde of squirrels ran rampant through Indianapolis.

The rodents came "swarming through the town," according to the Encyclopedia of Indianapolis. The region's corn crop was "literally destroyed."

Calvin Fletcher, one of Indianapolis' leading citizens at the time, claimed that during the mayhem, a single farmer killed 248 squirrels in three days.

A nameless squirrel killing machine and American (and Hoosier) Hero. This guy killed an average of 3.4 squirrels per hour for three days. Bravo nameless Hoosier squirrel killing machine! Did he shoot them all? Use a big stick? Sword? Was he some sort of Hoosier ninja? You just know I’ll be doing more research on this.

Surely there must a statue of this guy somewhere in Indy. Had the dirty little rodents succeeded and taken Indy, the crossroads of America no less, what would have stopped them from taking the rest of the country and then the world?

God bless brave Hoosiers with crazy rodent killing skills.

For more anti-squirrel reading visit Dead


Matt Nash said...

I was just telling some friends that I believe we are going to have problems with squirrels in the next few years. In the weeks that followed the wind storm, while riding my bike, I noticed many of these creatures going "nuts" around town. It is my theory that the storm displaced many and by spring there will be a revolt.

TedF said...

It wouldn’t surprise me. The dirty little rodents are probably scheming right now. My advice? Don’t brake for squirrels. I plan to keep a tally of little squirrel heads on the side of my car (think WWII fighter pilot).

G.Coyle said...

Ted, have you ever read how when Lewis and Clark first came down the Ohio, north of here, they witnessed "swarms" of squirrels so thick they were crossing the river, hundreds of thousands, on each other's back. They describe how simple it was plucking them out of the river for dinner. Good eatin' ahead!